Diagnosis + 94 Days


Wow!!!!

I'm off to the hospital in about 3 hours for my 6th chemo (3rd cycle). This is fantastic news, better than hearing that Bill Gates has decided to present me with an award for being "that guy I didn't know who should simply have a good chunk of my money."

Why is this good news?

Because I now have only 6 chemos to go. It's all downhill from here!

Of course, I still have to play sick when I'm on line for the movies so that I can get offered a place near the front. And please don't stop sending me hats and toys, I've been able to open a small haberdashery on Newberry Street which is doing very well.

HAIR REPORT:

Matt Lauer is on vacation, this is Steven Saltman reporting:

As Dave Barry says:

"Honey, how can I keep my hair?"

"You could put it in the soap dish after you shower."

Yes, sources report that Steve's hair is now available only in limited quantities and NOT available in any store. Supplies are going fast as demand for the hair exceeds all available sources. Each strand, in fact, will be auctioned separately at Sotheby's over a period of weeks during July. Proceeds are expected to exceed the Camelot auction.

As Mary says, "You're not just the hair club president anymore..."

The question remains: To shave it all off or not?

Top Ten Reasons To Shave Off All My Hair:

10) Show those silly chemo drugs who's really the boss.

9) Get to wear a white t-shirt and a gold earring and repeatedly say, "That's Mister Clean to you."

8) Can make fun of bald people without guilt.

7) Can recieve satelite television by putting TV cable cord in right ear and standing outside.

6) Neighborhood kids can play tic-tac-toe without getting that messy chalk on the driveway.

5) Can blind and disable panhandlers, politicians and other undesirables in bright sunlight at 100 yards.

4) Could declare myself King, get a gorgeous tutor from England, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera...

3) Could paint eyes on the back of my head and walk backward around town, pretending to be an alien looking for potential abductees.

2) No More Dandruff! (related reason: I can walk down the shampoo aisle and chuckle quietly to myself...now no one will wonder why.)

And the #1 Reason:

1) My wife says bald is sexy.

Hope all is well for everybody.

Steve

"Thomas Hodgkins Died of Natural Causes"

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