Diagnosis + 69 Days


I had my 4th chemo (of 12) yesterday. 1/3 done!!!! Since my brain feels like Newt Gringrich must feel everyday, I will not, as I usually do, wax philosophical. Rather I will respond to an important ongoing discussion with regards to Music and cancer.

I agree with Scott that a mailing list is not a good place to search for a link between cancer and music. In addition, I must add that there is no place to search for a link between cancer and music until somebody comes up with a hypothesis which describes a relationship between cancer and music. This is the scientific method, and what follows are suitable hypotheses:

H0 (hypothesis 0): Cancer is transmitted by exchange of mouthpieces of musical instruments.

This hypothesis can be tested by looking at cancer occurrence among musicians. Other questions are of course immediately brought to mind:

H1: Cancer is transmittable through saliva or sweat.

H2: Cancer is more transmittable when the carrier is in a dark, loud room.

H3: The immune system is weakened in its ability to fight cancer after prolonged exposure to free jazz.

These are testable hypotheses. Perhaps somebody someday will want to apply for grants to test these hypotheses. Perhaps our discussions here have made these hypotheses worth testing, more so than the hypotheses:

H4: Cancer is caused by elves who live in my cupboard.

H5: cancer is punishment for past life misdeeds when we all served as guards in an Australian penal colony 350 years ago.

H6: The CIA is transmitting pro-cancer signals to my hypothalmus in order to convince me to give up secrets I garnered while on a mission in Bangladesh nearly 40 years ago.

H7: Cancer is caused by my NOT wearing crystals on my forehead and swimming with dolphins.

H8: The Greys gave me cancer, sexually assaulted me, took biopsies of my liver and are cloning me to colonize their dying world.

H9: I don't really have cancer, this is all a bad dream and I will wake up soon. You will all disappear as soon as I turn off my computer. Nothing exists, help me mommy, help me mommy.

H10: Cancer is caused by a "bad attitude" and people with good attitudes who get cancer really have bad attitudes and need to change their bad attitudes to good attitudes. This is accomplished by doing things which change their attitudes to good attitudes and if they can't figure out what those are, they have a bad attitude.

H8a: My doctor is a Grey.

H11: Cancer is caused entirely by bad luck. Life is random. Nothing we do can change it. cancer should teach us to sit around and eat bon-bons, which unbeknowest to us, is the only cure for cancer. Since all of us are strong individuals, we don't sit around and eat bon-bons so nobody has been able to test this most effective and pleasant treatment for cancer.

H12: Having cancer has insulated us from other bad things. How can someone get cancer and get a car accident? I mean, that's REALLY bad luck!!  (note: unbeknowest to me, I will get in a car accident on day Diagnosis +280)

correlary: After diagnosis with cancer, buying lottery tickets is a good idea.

H13: cancer is caused by eating pickles. (So far, 99.8% on this list have admitted eating pickles).

H14: cancer is a prevention for hair loss. Unfortunately, nobody knows this since the treatment masks this very valuable side-effect.

H15: We are all reincarnations of Thomas Hodkgins who did something really really awful prior to classifying lymphoma. What he did is unknown but it is believed to have something to do with an entire barge-load of muskmelons and a small village north of London called, coincidentally, Greyville.

H16: Dinosaurs were made extinct by cancer. This is not useful information for current patients, but it would attract a lot of grant money and provide cancer patients with trips to the LaBrea Tar Pits and the Gobi Desert.

H17: Cancer is caused by: Choose one: viruses, bacteria, RNA anomolies, preons, protons, bozons, bozos, tachions, politicons, loud groups of middle aged members of fraternal organizations, spam.

I hope this scientific analysis of the important issues has helped clarify in everyone's mind the importance of the hypothesis as the basis for discovering both causes and cures for cancer.


"Thomas Hodgkins Died of Natural Causes"

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