Diagnosis + 243 Days


Gang:

Well, radiation therapy is going along splendidly. I have a beautiful sunburn,my tongue tastes like autumn leaves and everything makes me want to puke.

However, I have just a few more sessions to go, seven, but who's counting?Me Me Me Me Me Me Me.

Am I getting cynical in my old age? I wrote the following response to a personwho posted on the Hodgkins listserver.

In a message dated 11/9/96 3:16:34 AM, you wrote:

<<I wondered if anyone has heard of the use of hydrogen peroxide takenIV as an inhibitor of tumour growth. >>

No, I haven't heard of this, but I think it would probably just bleach yourtumors blonde and since blondes have more fun, your tumors might be moreprone to go out and party. H2O2 is extremely basic and would likely breakdown in your veins into water and free radical oxygen. The oxygen would likelycombine with other free radical oxygen, forming O2, or anything else nearby,resulting in the burning of your red blood cells and flesh around the IVinjection site. IV pina colada or bahama mama (with the little umbrella)would be equally as useful and would allow you to party along with your tumors.

<<I've read Dr Lanes book "Sharks still don't get cancer" and havealso read favourable reports in other books about shark cartliage therapy.>>

As for the sharks, sounds fishy. Sharks probably do get cancer, they justdon't check in at the local clinic when their lymph nodes are swollen, butit sure is a catchy phrase for selling books to cancer patients. Perhapshe didn't mean sharks, perhaps he mean rocks, which I don't believe get cancer.Nor do the following:

Some Things That Don't Get Cancer

1. Dictionaries

2. Lint

3. Irony

4. Baseball Cards

5. Poems

6. Single Malt Scotch

7. Vampires on Prednisone

8. Plastic Sharks That You Buy In T-Shirt Shops At The Beach

9. Credit Cards

10. Land Surveying Equipment

There are other things that don't get cancer, but I can't think of them rightnow. The only one that I recommend as an IV cancer inhibitor is number 6,which has proven an effective way to impair one's ability to remember thatone has cancer.

Besides, just because something doesn't get cancer, like most of the humanpopulation, doesn't imply that consuming that thing is a cancer-preventivemeasure. However, by the time a person finishes with chemotherapy, it maybe true that shark is the only thing they can eat without puking.

Steve

"Thomas Hodgkins Died of Natural Causes"